Brahmana Marriage

This is again a mail that I got the other day - hilarious

By Lavanya Mohan.

"Mom, I've decided to get married."

The Seshadhris were only too ecstatic to here these words pop out of their elder son's mouth, yet afraid at the the same time. After all, their son did study in the United States for 3 years. And from what they heard from their neighbours, the States "do things" to perfectly normal sons. What if he wanted to marry a white girl? The blasphemy! How would they ever explain to their relatives?
"Indian no?", Mrs.Seshadhri asked, nervously.
"Iyengar...."
"Oh thank god! Chamathu da nee. We'll see the girl tomorrow!And I'll have to call all our relatives to inform them. Ha! First I'll call your aththai. Her son went to the states and ended up with one of those...punjabi a? Ya, punjabi-o ennavo. But my son? Chamatha Iyengar ponnu paathutaan."
"Amma..."
"What? I know I'm getting excited but its not everyday your son gets married! First ponnu paakanum. Give me her address."
"I can't give the girl's address."
"Why not? " interrupted Mr.Seshadhri. "Is it because they don't know? Its okay, we'll convince them"
"No, its because there is no girl"
"Ennada solra?" chorused the parents.
"I am in love with an Iyengar, yes. But its not a girl. Its a boy"
Silence.
"Is this some kind of TV show? Is some shanniyan going to come with a camera and say all this is some joke? I know! Vijay TV-la Simbhu is doing something like this. He's going to come now, isn't he?"
"No mom, nobody's behind your almirah. This is real. I want to get married to him and him only"
"This is not normal, you know that?"
"Appa, who're you to say that it's not normal? How do you know that it isn't normal? I want to get married to him and that's the end of it" and he stormed out of the room.

The Seshadhris were appalled, and did what any other parents would do when presented with such a private confession. They called the entire family over to discuss it.
Mamas, Mamis, Thathas, Paatis, Chithappas, Chiththis, Aththais, Athimbers, Perippas, Perimmas and a motley crew of cousins promptly assembled to exchange their views over filter coffee and masala vadais.

"Enna kodumai Seshadri idhu"
"This is not the time to joke, its a very serious issue pa. Namma community-la this is just not done"
"Are you sure about this? I mean was he joking?"
"Will anybody joke about things like this? Avan serious-a dhaan irukaan. He's gay."
"Amma Amma, what's a gay?" interrupted 6 year old Achu, loudly.
Silence.
"Sshhh, Achu. Go play outside with Kichu." said his visibly embarassed mother.
Achu promptly ran outside hollering KICHU! GAY-NA BAD WORD DA!
"Kids"
"Yea. I'm hoping he gets a girlfriend soon."
"Shree, he's 6"
"The earlier the better. And I'm so not sending him to the US"
"Not everyone turns out like that. My son married a perfectly nice girl. Enna, she's punjabi. But very nice girl."
"You know she has a beard, right?"
"Oh please! At least she's a girl."
"Enough enough. This is not about her daughter-in-law's beard. Idhu konjam serious-aana matter."
"Yes yes. There are so many fundamental complications"
"Like if this marriage does go on, who gets to be the Maapla veedu?"
"Chechu make it clear to them that we will be the groom's house. We will demand our rights"
"Hey, who gets to tie the thaali?"
"Will there even be a thaali?"
"Maybe they'll tie a golden poonal around him"
"One more doubt. The girl usually sits on her father lap when they tie the thaali. Does this mean that the son sits on his mothers lap? How does that work exactly?"
"Yea! And then usually the girl wears that special koora-podavai before she ties the knot. Do we have to get this guy a koora-veshti?"
"Atleast you'll save on all those silk sarees."
"And that Mehndi thing. Unless your son wants it, ofcourse"
"Hahahaha! Thats so g...nothing"

An uncomfortable silence followed, but was swiftly interrupted by the Periappa.

"Come to think of it, that golden poonal will weigh a lot"
"Does your future...err son-in-law cook?"
"Aiyo! Don't call him son-in-law! I don't even want this to happen!"
"Maybe you should do that. Vidaatha. Then he'll come around"
"No way, then he'd elope. Odi poyiduvaan!"
"Thats not good for the family name."
"Thu! As if marrying a boy is very honourable."
"And besides, eloping-na, usually the girl runs away, gets a baby and then only gets accepted back in the household. This is how it is in all tamil padams"
"Ok, but how the heck are these guys going to get a baby?"
"My point exactly, so they won't elope"
"Which is worse. What if they get together like those villains in Vettaiyaadu Villaiyaadu?"
"Aiyo! That's a movie about homosexual psychopaths! You're son is too sensitive for that. He cried in the climax of Kabhi Khushi Kahi Gham, for heaven's sake!.
"Appove we should have noticed..."
"You think there's some kind of homeopathy treatment for this? Or Ayurveda? Some kashayam or something?"
"No no, its a state of mind. No kashayam can cure it"
"Or should we send him to a psychiatrist?"
"Illa. Those psyciatrists are Peter parties. They'll end up brainwashing us about how we are educated and must accept him the way he is"
"Adhaan pannanum" said Mr.Seshadhri, finally.
The entire household went mute.
"You mean...we have to get him married? To that...that boy?"
"Yes"
"Only then, he'll be happy."
"Aiyo sentiment thaangamudila"
"My decision is final. I'll go call him and find that other boy's number. I have plenty to talk to his parents."

The household watched him go with a rather stern resolve in absolute silence. The only sound was the jowku-jowku of Paati eating Vadai.

"Enna paati? What do you think?" said one of the cousins, finally breaking yet another uncomfortable silence.
"Ennadhaan payyana love pannaalum, atleast Iyengar payyana paathu love pannane, adhuve poru

this is something i could'nt resist laughing about .. so I thought I will share it (courtesy - Sriram)

n example of Ramnad Krishnan's pranks on Vaishnavites. If he sees a person with a Naaman in his forehead, RK immediately asks "Neenga Iyengaar aa?" If the person says "Yes", RK replies, "Oho.. Naangaellaam Brahmanaa...".

*

The following was told by one of my friend. I don't know if this is true but I laughed for 10 mins after listening to this. To get the real effect I've tried to put the exact tamil literation.

It seems once Maharajapuram Viswanatha Iyer was supposed to give a concert in a wedding ceremony at Tanjore.

The bride's father requested that his son (bride's brother) play the Mridangam for MV Iyer. He also added that his son is budding artist.

MV Iyer agreed on the matter. After the concert was over , the following happened.

Bride's Father (BF): En Son Eppadi vaasichaan?

MVI: Avan enga en paatukku vasichaan. "Avan pattukku" vasichidindiundhan.

BF musters some courage and questions MVI.

BF: Enna aanalum neenga avanukku thani AAvarthana kotduthirukkanum!

MVI: Oh! Atha kekkarela !!Kutchery poora avan thania thane vasichindirundhan. Athanalathan...

*

There is another Incident about MVI. In one of his concerts, after the actual concert is over, MVI was chatting with the Sabha people and there were a lot of public nearby. Semmangudi, who is MVI's disciple had come just then to the sabha. He prostrated in front of his guru. Immediately MVI said loudly,
"Ellaarum nee Sevikkaradhai Parthaachu Podhum Ezhundukko!"

*

After a wedding reception performance by the late Shri. Ariyakudi Ramanuja Iyengar, the groom's father told the music legend: Your recital now is much superior to what you sang last year. Ariyakudi replied " Ivvidam pattu appidiye dhaan irukku. Avvidam dhaan gnaanam konjam vandhirukku. Adhanal dhaan appidi theriyaradhu"

*

Girl: My music teacher is really religious. Every time I sing, she closes her eyes, puts her hands together, and says, "Oh god!".

*

In a Trichur. V. Ramachandran concert, there was this guy on the thamburaa... he seemed to be moving away from the vocalist for some wierd reason and V.R. was patiently asking him to come forward so he could listen to the thambura sruthi better... this was going on for almost more than an hour... then an impatient V.R. sang "sonnadhei seidhidaDa"

*

A vidwan began a concert and before long most of the people trickled out. He kept going but the exodus did not stop. Finally after a few hours there was only one bloke left. To this guy, the vidwan felt, he owed the fruits of his art and manodharma. After some more ragas, even the Vidwan began to tire. Ultimately he called off the concert.

But he was very curious about his solitary rasika. He went up to to the chap and began to thank him for his patience, patronage and music appreciation.

For which the chap replied "It is my carpet you were sitting on. I was simply waiting for you to finish before reclaiming it!!"

*

Once (1960s) in a town near Kanchipuram, Salem Chellam Iyengar was singing in a temple concert. There was a decent crowd and SCI was impressed. There was an elderly man sitting int he front row staring at Sri SCI. The vidhwan, to impress this rasika flashed several "birkas" but the rasika would not respond positively. In between krithis, he spoke to the violinist about this and the conversation went like this (you need to know tamil)

SCI to Violinist : "enna ivvalavu birkaa paadinalum avar thalaiye aatta maatengaraaru?" Violinist after speking to the organizer, who referred to some temple people and comes back. Violinist : "Avar innaiku illai inimel ennaikum thalai aata maattaru" and said that it was a dead body waiting to be carried to the cementry. (People in a caste called Kammaala bury the dead in seating posture - preferably in a chair).

spider man theme song

Spiderman, Spiderman,
Does whatever a spider can.
Spins a web, any size,
Catches thieves just like flies.
Look out! Here comes the Spiderman.

Is he strong? Listen bud—
He's got radioactive blood.
Can he swing from a thread?
Take a look overhead.
Hey there! There goes the Spiderman.

In the chill of the night,
At the scene of the crime,
Like a streak of light,
He arrives just in time!

Spiderman, Spiderman,
Friendly neighborhood Spiderman.
Wealth and fame, he's ignored—
Action is his reward.
To him,
Life is a great big bang-up—
Wherever there's a hang-up,
You'll find the Spiderman!